Are Self-help Books at All Effective?
Are self-help books effective, and can you overdo self-help? What can you do to make the lessons self-help books teach truly stick?
Self-help books: an effective tool to improve your life, or an ineffective drain on your wallet? When one looks at the sheer number of self-help books available, you might believe self-help books are definitely effective in helping us live a better life. In the year 2000, Americans spent roughly $563 million on self-help books, no doubt even more in 2021. Does their popularity correlate at all to their effectiveness when it comes to improving yourself?
Well, yes and no. When you read a self-help book, there are roughly three outcomes in terms of effectiveness:
- No effect
The book doesn’t resonate with you, is written poorly, or otherwise doesn’t interest you. You miss a connection and subsequently, you don’t gain anything from it. Effectiveness level: zero!
2. Placebo effect (‘motivation boost’)
You’re sufficiently convinced that what the book says is true. You feel inspired to break with your old self and make some changes in whatever it is the book focuses on. For a couple of days you might do well, but applying the book’s lessons day after day feels cumbersome. The initial boost of motivation fades, and you might even feel somewhat burned out. Effectiveness level: still zero, as we’re looking for long-term, sustainable effectiveness.
3. Permanent positive change
The book inspired you to really throw things around, and it really sticks. This is what we all hope to get out of self-help books. Effectiveness level: maximum!
So, what’s the secret in achieving a permanent effect rather than no effect, or a fleeting effect? It’s deceivingly simple: it’s to do with the way you work with the book. Too often do we fall into the pitfall of learning but not understanding (thanks for the quote, Plato!) the material we’re working with.
I don’t mean that in a highly theoretical way either. In fact, I mean it extremely practical. Take the following example:
John is an aspiring software developer. John spends a year studying everything CompSci, from for-loops to cache invalidation. After this year, he puts away his books. Would we say that John is now ready to apply everything he’s learned in, say, a real job? Is he ready to work effectively?
Of course not! John would have to finish several assignments, have them graded, and receive feedback. After that John would probably start an internship, where again he would be given instructions by his peers on how to improve himself. Only after all thatwould John be ready to work a real job. Even then, John would start with learning how his colleagues do their work, and he’d probably be mentored until he was ready to do it by himself.
Before John could implement any of his newly acquired ‘book knowledge’, he needed to practice, try, fail, and receive lots of feedback. Feedback from his peers. This is how human society has always operated, be it in the stone age, the middle ages, and even the modern world: trial and error combined with feedback produce an effective result.
The same goes for self-help books. They must be put into a workable context if you hope to achieve any sort of workable benefit: a framework. If the book we read resonated with us, we tend to get extremely motivated momentarily, only for that motivation to burn away quickly when we face any type of obstacle, be it imagined or real.
Our brains seek stability; a natural state of being. Changing ourselves takes a lot of energy. Our brains simply don’t like it. That’s why with any self-help book we should achieve to make it a habit. Habits are what provide the long-term, sustained effectiveness we are looking for. Habits let our brains do what we’re trying to do automatically, without spending precious brainpower on trying to not do something else.
However, there’s one small caveat: never let perfect get in the way of good when building a new habit.
Why? Well, a self-help book can be seen as a description of a perfect state of being. The ideal, a sort of final state of being. Even Marcus Aurelius, an incredibly successful and famous Roman emperor, struggled with being the person he wanted to be. We know this because his ‘Meditations’ were originally intended to be a private journal, hence containing lots of details not meant for outside eyes. It was only through rigorous and intense meditation, journaling and mindful practice he was able to attain what most would agree was something very close to the perfect state of mind he sought after.
Now, for most of us, perfect is unattainable. A bodybuilder never stops training. Writers will always look to further improve themselves. There’s no limit; it never, ever ends. Good enough, however, is more than attainable. There lies the sweet spot for maximum effectiveness.
So, what to do? How do you create a framework that is just good enough, and sustainable enough? A framework that works specifically for you?
- Realize that the ideals laid out in the book are the end result
Nobody who struggled with, say, anxiety ever picked up a book, read it, and was cured permanently of their anxiety simply due to some 26 characters aligned across pages with spaces in between them. Not caring at all about being insulted, for example, would be the result of years of mindful practice. Don’t expect overnight results, it won’t happen, and you’ll be disappointed.
2. Take small and gradual steps: build the habit first
As long as you’re going forward, you’re doing fine. If you’re working on eating healthy meals only where you previously tended to snack often, it’s probably a good idea to start small. Replace some of the bad stuff you’re eating with healthy stuff. Get used to going to the supermarket first, and cooking one healthy meal a day, for example. Once you get into the habit, you can expand. Humans are creatures of habit. Once the habit is there, the rest is smooth sailing!
3. It’s okay to fall, as long as you get back up
No athlete gives 100% all the time. No programmer gets away with never debugging. No writer writes perfect sentences immediately or writes bestseller after bestseller. Failing is fine; an integral part of being human. Don’t beat yourself up, accept your failure without judgment, and try better next time.
4. Find a compromise that works for you
If you’re looking to work-out three times a week and get up at 05:00 every day, you might want to be honest with yourself. Is that really doable for you? If not, why not? “This doesn’t fit me as a person” is a totally acceptable answer. Maybe getting up at 07:00 instead, and working out once or twice a week is the sweet spot for you. Likewise, if you find something in a book that doesn’t work as-is for you, try to think of a way it might. If after long consideration you still can’t find a suitable way: discard the idea. Humans are not one-size-fits-all, and the solution might not be tailored to who you are as a person.
5. Do not conflate spending money with making progress
When people start working out, they’ll buy expensive running shoes, running gear, a Fitbit, and a gym membership. You don’t need any of that right off the bat, and you might even come to regret your purchase. Set targets for yourself: get yourself a fresh, nice pair of running shoes if you’ve done a good job for a few weeks straight. That’ll keep you motivated to keep going. Don’t risk adding to your sense of dejection by having spent way too much money on something you’re not sure you want or can continue from the start.
6. Don’t do it alone
Though they’re “self-help” books, the advice given in self-help books is absorbed most effectively if we’re held accountable or are able to share our progress. Simply telling a friend to ask you once a week how you’re doing can make a world of difference.
So: self-help books, effective, or no?
Yes, self-help books can definitely be effective. Marcus Aurelius’ meditations, and the book ‘Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’ have had a lasting effective impact on my own life. But only because they existed within a framework, in which I was held accountable, that worked for me and was adjusted to my wants and needs. That framework couldn’t have been made by anyone but me. Likewise, a framework for you can’t be made by anyone by you.
You got this!
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